Be Careful What You Wish For

How many times have you wished that you could go to bed and wake up the next morning fifty pounds lighter?

I’m not going to lie, I have made this wish every single time I tried to squeeze my size 10 butt into a size 8 pair of jeans. In my head, I imagined that I would wake up and look in the mirror and see a toner version of me. I would see abs, no extra chins, tighter skin and I could walk into my closet and not matter what I chose it would look amazing. I will be the first to tell you that it is no where near what I had hoped for.

On November 8th I went to “sleep” weighing 217 pounds and when I woke up 2 weeks later I weighed 170 pounds.  I realize that most of that weight was fluid and losing that wouldn’t alter my body all that much.  However, 170 still puts me about 20 pounds lighter than I was before pregnancy and 20 pounds in 2 weeks is still a significant weight loss.

Would you judge me if I said that my new found weight loss was a silver lining to this storm cloud called heart failure? Eh, I honestly don’t care.  I don’t get many silver linings these days so I will take what I can get.

It wasn’t long before reality set in and I was reminded why you don’t watch the scales. I soon realized that those 20 pounds were muscle. *sigh* I didn’t have much muscle but the little bit I did have I worked really hard for.  I rode a lot of miles (cycling) for those muscles, I did a lot of burpees for those muscles, and now those muscles are gone.  My legs are so weak that I need help getting up when I squat down to pick something up off the floor.  My arms no longer have definition and can’t support the weight of my two month old. This new and lighter body is very frustrating but I know it is only temporary.

Tomorrow I will begin cardiac rehab and I am excited. This will give me a safe place to test the limits of my new body. I am hoping that rehab will not only make me stronger but give me the confidence to get back on my bike.

Wish me luck,

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